NEWS

August 1994

Last Tuesday night, Psychic Vera revealed that most of the men hunting the President were ugly and devoid of sex appeal. "I can think of at least five right off the top of my head," she exclaimed, "and the one that tops the ugly and sexless list is of course, Rush Limbaugh."

The psychic went onto to say that the portly personality was extremely envious of the president's sex appeal because he didn't have any, and that was the real reason Rush was so mean to Mr. Clinton.

"Poor Rush," Psychic Vera said, after taking a sip of her herbal tea, "he's so transparent and really quite pitiful. It's unfortunate that he identified with his intimidating father who weighed close to 400 pounds. You see, Rush equates power with weight. Since President Clinton is not as heavy as he or his father, Rush just can't respect him. And on the other hand, he is sick with envy. He realizes that many women are ga ga over the handsome president."

Another person that fits this ugly sexless mold is the Reverend Jerry Falwell.

Psychic Vera claims that the Reverend Falwell is so obsessed with the president's sex life, that any psychologist could easily testify that the repressed Reverend get a vicarious thrill every time he thinks about it.

"Remember," she said, "Falwell has produced a video that among other outrageous unproven allegations, outlines the sexual accusations by Paula Jones in lurid detail. Falwell's radio show, in which he outlines those allegations, was so sleazy, it was pulled from a Florida station after a mother complained that she didn't want her children listening to such filth."

Another ugly sexless enemy of the president is the fellow that put together the underhanded Willy Horton ad for the Bush Campaign in 1988, Floyd Brown.

"Unfortunately, Floyd looks like the Pillsbury Doughboy," Vera said. "Plump, pinkish and pasty. Now what woman would go for that?"

Vera reminded us that Floyd was the one that set up an anti-Clinton hot line during the 1992 election. Anyone dialing the number could hear the edited phone conversations that Gennifer Flowers had with Bill Clinton.

"These E.O.B.'s(enemies of Bill) are all quite crude," Vera said with distaste. "It's unfortunate that the American public has to be subjected to these men's filthy unconscious minds."

Other enemies, Vera says, like the Reverend Pat Robertson is not fat but is certainly ugly and sexless.

Oliver North--Not Fat, Ugly, or Sexless, Just a Nutty Pathological Liar

Oliver North, another enemy of Bill Clinton's is not fat, ugly, or sexless, Vera admits, but he is a pathological liar.

"That gives him something else in common with the ever popular Limbaugh," Vera said.

While Rush lies about facts, as outlined by FAIR(Fairness in Accuracy and Reporting) in their September publication of EXTRA, Ollie North has trouble telling the truth about himself.

"He's a bit of a weasel and an actor, isn't he? Vera said. "It's a shame, isn't it? A nice looking man like that. Such a nut ball and a liar."

Oliver North lied to Congress about Iran Contra. According to Ronald Reagan in the ex-president's autobiography, An American Life, Oliver lied about him and what kind of relationship they had. Of course, Reagan may have had alzheimers at the time so who knows what he remembered.

"North is another Republican with little insight, " Vera said. "Unlike President Clinton, he doesn't like to spend much time around women, preferring the company of men. It's what he was used to in the military. As a result, he hasn't acquired any of those intuitive or self-reflective traits that a man develops when he spends a lot of his time with women."

Maybe his lack of sensitivity and insight was the reason his wife was planning to leave him in 1974. Whatever the reason, he threatened to commit suicide and was found, according to the book, Guts and Glory, running around nude waving his .45 and "babbling incoherently."