Psychic Vera: Newly Designated Boehner Whisperer


Psychic Vera announced in her weekly address to students that she had been designated the new Boehner whisperer.

“The old psychic who filled that role has died and I have been designated the new one. I will be intuiting Speaker of the House Boehner’s character and motivations, information that I’ve gleaned from my nightly sojourns on the astral plane.”

Some students will remember Vera’s expedience with another political loser, Kenneth Starr, as she wrote about it in the article, “Kenneth Starr Grabbed my Breast on the Astral Plane.”

As Vera went on to describe Boehner’s character by analyzing his astrological chart, she misprounced his name on various occasions. Although his name is pronounced “Baner”, she said, “Boner”, which was, apparently, a childhood misnomer that was always an embarrassment to a man who grew up with very little love in his early childhood environment. (Wikipedia says he grew up in modest circumstances, sharing 1 bedroom with 11 siblings in a two bedroom house).

“Boner is a sad case,” Vera said. “He has Venus, the planet of love in cold Capricorn, afflicted by the illusionary Neptune, which means he’s looking for a love that doesn’t exist and he’s constantly disappointed. Of course, on a spiritual level, he is loved, as we all are, so says Jesus Christ. It’s on the human level where he feels let down and so he has shut down himself as well as the government. He tries to make up for his lack by misusing power and that’s the crux of his motivation in shutting down the government. With his Sun in Scorpio square Pluto in Leo, his power play with the president is the only thing he really enjoys. With his Mars (drive) conjunct Saturn (repression) in Virgo, he’s a frustrated perfectionist, having trouble asserting himself in Congress against the Tea Party idiots, as well as in the bedroom. “Boner is a bit of a bummer in that department”, Psychic Vera said. “He feels so inadequate about his manhood, he has become a bully, waiting for any opportunity to push the president around. He particularly feels threatened by a good looking intelligent black man, just as many crazy old white men do.” Crazy old white men, or COWM, is a designation first used by Psychic Chuck to describe the breakdown which occurs as white men start to age and lose their power in society.

Subconsciously, black men have always been a threat because they are thought to be more virile than white men. “And that’s the reason white men, particularly in the South, were always frightened that their white women would prefer black men and why the punishment was so severe for a black man that got involved with a white woman,” Vera said.

With his Mars (Manhood) conjunct Saturn(repression) in Virgo square Chiron (wound that does not heal) in Sagittarius (religion),he’s probably sexually repressed because of his early experience of Catholicism.
As well as being a bane to the country, he is also becoming a bane to his own party, which has the lowest ratings in 20 years for its obsession with our black president and its desire to thwart all of his progressive programs.“

When Saturn, the grim reaper, rolls in to plague his Sun sign around the time of the November 2014 election, he will hopefully lose his seat in Congress.” Vera concluded.

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